fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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