Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize