Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
