if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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