I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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