sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
