he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
