3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize