Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize