dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
