a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
