I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
