now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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