I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
