In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
