So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
