Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
