The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
