in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
