i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
