I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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