its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
