how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
