I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
