the day after is always just damage control
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
