she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
