What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
