Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
