dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize