I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
