i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
