the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
