theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
