Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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