fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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