I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
