so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
