apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize