Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
