yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
