Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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