i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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