2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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