sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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