Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
