omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
