Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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