Sry I called you an 8
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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