Plan B is the new Plan A
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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