we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He felt like a one man threesome
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
