I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
