it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
