My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
