maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
