thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
