I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
