North Korea, Best Korea!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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