when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
