Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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