he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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