it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
