Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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