A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I want a musical about memes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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