So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
