I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
