Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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